Pethead since 1980s - Finally Here

[psbgirl]

Hello all - I can't believe it's taken me 40 years to get here. I remember getting my first hardcover book in the mail, edition 1 - because I had mailed a love letter to Neil in 1985 saying how I wanted to marry him. I got a postcard back from the UK asking me to join their club. So I did.
Over the years, PSB has been the music of my life. I know every single song (and more B sides than anyone probably) by memory, including every note, every harmony, every synth note, every meaning, every event that it triggered in my life. I dressed like Neil in high school, I sat along during family events in another room with my headphones on, listening on rewind over and over. I didn't have many friends who understood PSB, so I came to eventually stop talking about them.
They became my secret lover, so to speak - I was a closeted fan. And have been every day and night, without anyone knowing. I get up in the mornings, listening and singing to them, I dance and sing to them during the day when I'm not working or in a meeting, after any social engagements where I never talk about PSB, I drive home their music on full blast, and I go to bed with their writing in my head.
I accepted years ago that I would never be able to connect with anyone on the deep level that I have about PSB, but I'm proud to be one of the original members, and I remember being so proud that all my social media profiles were "psbgirl" even though no one knew what it meant.
With every new release, came 'a new life' for me, a new way of thinking, a deeper understanding of myself. I now understand that even though when I'm gone, people will be confused at the lyrics and writing posted on my walls, in my books as a writer for 20 years, posters of images, candid photos, the way I sit, walk, speak, and most of all, my 'behavior'. I always told close friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, family, strangers etc that if they ever wanted to get my persona or way of speaking, to watch a PSB interview. Of course they never did. But I hope here in these rooms, people get it when I say that if I had to choose a mirror of how I speak, how I act, what I believe in, how I love, how I sing, how I think and more so, how I've embraced everything about who I am...it's Neil Tennant.
I once had a friend who was a fan in Japan - and we spoke for only a few minutes. I said "Neil is basically me, and I am the reflection on Neil." He laughed. "i posed". And he responded how he completely understood.

The most beautiful thing is that I am not the only one who feels the music and soul of my life is PSB. It's truly incredible that this will be a part of me that no one will see after I am gone. I often wonder how Neil and Chris will be remembered when they are gone too.... but I don't linger on it too much. I'm the only one who needs to see how my love, dryness, wit and deep lasting creation was all due to PSB. And when it's gone, it's gone. But I'm still here today.

And, I'm sure I'm one of THOUSANDS who have this exact same story. And we're all in it together, feeling "invisible", but knowing that we were never had to think "do i have to" be like everyone else. Grateful for continually feeling like my head is spinning from their influence, with happinesssssssss~

<3 Forever PetHead

PSBgirl

[Pinhead44]

Hello all - I can't believe it's taken me 40 years to get here. I remember getting my first hardcover book in the mail, edition 1 - because I had mailed a love letter to Neil in 1985 saying how I wanted to marry him. I got a postcard back from the UK asking me to join their club. So I did.
Over the years, PSB has been the music of my life. I know every single song (and more B sides than anyone probably) by memory, including every note, every harmony, every synth note, every meaning, every event that it triggered in my life. I dressed like Neil in high school, I sat along during family events in another room with my headphones on, listening on rewind over and over. I didn't have many friends who understood PSB, so I came to eventually stop talking about them.
They became my secret lover, so to speak - I was a closeted fan. And have been every day and night, without anyone knowing. I get up in the mornings, listening and singing to them, I dance and sing to them during the day when I'm not working or in a meeting, after any social engagements where I never talk about PSB, I drive home their music on full blast, and I go to bed with their writing in my head.
I accepted years ago that I would never be able to connect with anyone on the deep level that I have about PSB, but I'm proud to be one of the original members, and I remember being so proud that all my social media profiles were "psbgirl" even though no one knew what it meant.
With every new release, came 'a new life' for me, a new way of thinking, a deeper understanding of myself. I now understand that even though when I'm gone, people will be confused at the lyrics and writing posted on my walls, in my books as a writer for 20 years, posters of images, candid photos, the way I sit, walk, speak, and most of all, my 'behavior'. I always told close friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, family, strangers etc that if they ever wanted to get my persona or way of speaking, to watch a PSB interview. Of course they never did. But I hope here in these rooms, people get it when I say that if I had to choose a mirror of how I speak, how I act, what I believe in, how I love, how I sing, how I think and more so, how I've embraced everything about who I am...it's Neil Tennant.
I once had a friend who was a fan in Japan - and we spoke for only a few minutes. I said "Neil is basically me, and I am the reflection on Neil." He laughed. "i posed". And he responded how he completely understood.

The most beautiful thing is that I am not the only one who feels the music and soul of my life is PSB. It's truly incredible that this will be a part of me that no one will see after I am gone. I often wonder how Neil and Chris will be remembered when they are gone too.... but I don't linger on it too much. I'm the only one who needs to see how my love, dryness, wit and deep lasting creation was all due to PSB. And when it's gone, it's gone. But I'm still here today.

And, I'm sure I'm one of THOUSANDS who have this exact same story. And we're all in it together, feeling "invisible", but knowing that we were never had to think "do i have to" be like everyone else. Grateful for continually feeling like my head is spinning from their influence, with happinesssssssss~

<3 Forever PetHead

PSBgirl

Hi PSBgirl

Welcome to the forum !

Firstly, I have just read your post with a constant smile on my face, so thank you for that it has really cheered me up after a very long day at work !

It must have been quite liberating for you to write all that down, after keeping your love of the boys (and Neil in particular) secret for so long.

You are in very good company here, so you can be as open as you want now ! Firstly by letting us know if Neil responded to your proposal back in 1985 ?

[petshopgrrl]

<3 Forever PetHead

PSBgirl

Bravo! No one else in the outside world may understand but to everyone in here, "it must be obvious". Glad you finally "decide"d to be "one of the crowd".

Have you had a chance to see PSB live? And how do they feature in your writing?

[MikeRobert]

Your story is incredibly touching and inspiring. It's beautiful to hear how deeply PSB has impacted your life and shaped who you are. It's clear that their music has been a constant source of joy, solace, and self-discovery for you. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt tribute.